Tears

 “Strength is the capacity to break a Hershey bar into four pieces with your bare hands~and then eat just one of the pieces.”
― Judith Viorst

I very seldom cry when, having a migraine attack or a fibromyalgia flare. I learned long ago that crying only worsened the accompanying headache and took away strength I needed to fight the migraine attack. These last few months, I have remained in intractable migraine, despite two, nine-day inpatient stays and have had my base line pain level, change from two, to four. I have not lost hope, to do so would be to despair and I do not intend to live in despair! 

Yesterday was an extremely bad day, with a fibromyalgia flare, that made me feel much like the Hulk VS Loki, in The Avengers! Myself being Loki of course and for your amusement!

 

Believe me when I say, there was not a muscle in my body, that did not hurt, not one!! It was quite an unpleasant day. I used all my comfort measures, my distraction techniques and can honestly say, that I couldn’t wait for bedtime, so I could escape in sleep.
Then very early this morning, something happened that has never happened before. I was dreaming that I was in pain and in my dream, I was crying. I actually woke myself up crying and yes, the pain is still here. I don’t always remember my dreams, sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. I told my husband about it, thank goodness I didn’t wake him, he’s been going through a lot, since his surgery. 

My thoughts on this is, I try very hard to be strong, not to whine or whimper. Maybe there is just a certain point, your body get’s to where it says, hey you can’t ignore me forever! You can’t keep pushing the pain down, down and in your sleep, you are the most vulnerable. Those subconscious thoughts, feelings and pain, overtake us and spring up to the surface, gasping for air! It wasn’t an unpleasant experience, not really, but it opened my eyes to the fact, that I’m not handling my pain as well as I thought I was. I will keep working on learning Mindfulness Meditation, keep writing my blog, it is very cathartic and cut myself a break now and then, to have a pity party. 

“If I can see pain in your eyes then share with me your tears. If I can see joy in your eyes then share with me your smile.”
― Santosh Kalwar 

Live with hope,
Roni