Birds and The Bees

“Let me tell ya ’bout the birds and the bees
And the flowers and the trees
And the moon up above
And a thing called “Love”


“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”
– Mignon McLaughlin

One of my readers, suggested this topic to me, when I first started my blog. She is one of my biggest cheerleaders, always ready with a kind word and lots of encouragement. At the time, discussing the topic of intimacy between a husband and wife, or significant other, was something that I didn’t feel at all comfortable with. I’m still not very comfortable, but I have a feeling, it might be the topic of some interest, that also carries a level of guilt, for those living with migraine and chronic pain. For that reason, I am willing to open a very private part of my life and share it with you. 

A migraine attack can be totally debilitating, in and of itself. When migraine switched from episodic to chronic, in 2001, it was like being hit with a ton of bricks. I went from having practically no migraine attacks, to having one everyday. Along with horrid nausea, vomiting, sensitivity to light and sound. In October of the same year, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. 2003 came another chronic pain diagnoses, Degenerative Disc Disease throughout my spine. I was a 40-year-old woman, living in a 90-year-old body. 

Making love became very painful, especially during a fibromyalgia flare. My husband began to have problems with ED, which added a level of frustration and self-esteem issues for him. But looking back, I believe were precursors of his Cardiac Disease, that runs in his family at an early age. He had a Triple-Bypass surgery at age 54, nine months later after experiencing chest pain at work. He had to have a stint placed, to open a 100% blocked artery. His cardiologist told him he had aggressive heart disease, he is now on several medication to control the various medical problems, that come with that. One of those being Nitroglycerin, making all ED medications off limits and unsafe.

We’ve both come to realize that the physical intimacy, of making love is not a part of our lives. There is no guilt or blame on either of us for this. Does it mean we love each less? Absolutely not! We cuddle, hold hands, kiss, our marriage is strong, built on a foundation of love, in the good and bad, in sickness and in health. We are working on our 36th year together, somehow I think we will turn out just fine! 

“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.”
– Maya Angelou

Live with hope,

5 thoughts on “Birds and The Bees

  1. Roni,

    Your honesty about this issue brings tears to my eyes. I feel a lot of guilt about not wanting to be touched or just being constantly exhausted. I told my husband that we are now in a Sex Desert because of my added GI issues. He’s a good sport about it all but we both miss intimacy, him especially. He doesn’t say anything but I know that it must be difficult fur hm. Sex has never been a huge deal for me, but I know that my husband would have preferred more intimacy, even before I got sick 6 years ago.

    The compassion that Mick shows for me, at the expense of intimacy, is incredibly touching. Like you and Rick, Mick and I are very close and love each other dearly. I couldn’t have a better partner. You and I are very lucky.



  2. Thank you, Mel! Yes we are very lucky to have, spouses who support us through thick and thin. I also try very hard to support Rick, when he is not feeling well also. Fatigue and joint pain, are symptoms he has with the Lupus. So we both have chronic pain issues and can empathize with one another.
    I hoped being honest on the subject of pain and intimacy, I would help someone else know that they are not alone.



  3. For all of the discussions in migraine and chronic pain support groups, I rarely see any about the impact of chronic illness on people’s marriages/partnerships and sex. You know that the impact has to be widespread. Again, thank you for having the courage to blog about this issue. Love you!

    Liked by 1 person

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